Sad Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It

5:21 AM Unknown 3 Comments A⁺ a^-

I have debated putting this up for a long time.

I have had some really weird sleep problems. Almost every night now, I've woken up at around 3-4 am. It's really weird and I've noticed that my school work has been affected. Not a lot, but to me it's noticeable.

On another note, I have been experiencing some perplexing things. I just don't feel like I'm good enough for anyone. My family, my friends, etc. They all deserve someone better than me.

It feels like my grades are what's going to define me for the rest of my life. It's all my dad will focus on. If I want to do something, he says that he'll be okay with it once my grades are straight As. I have pretty good grades, and straight As aren't impossible, but I'm already trying harder than my hardest.

I'm never going to be the perfect dress size 4 and most of the female family members that I've had direct contact with are within the 2-5 dress size range. Even when people say that I'm pretty I can't believe them because of all the other things that I've heard about me. I can't believe them because of the truth that I know about myself.

I hate myself. I just...*sigh* The only things that save me from doing drastic things are music, books, and YouTubers.

I'm going to go now.

Cheers, DFTBA, and Good Night.

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Aimee Van

AUTHOR

May 12, 2015 at 9:08 AM delete

Anna, there is no reason why you should feel like this. I understand you completely and I'm not going to tell you the same shit as everyone else will. In today's society, being pretty is important. It's true. \But your appearance needn't define you, and it is very, very rare to find someone who will dislike you just because of your appearance. The number on your scale is meaningless (unless it's influencing your health), and you should know that being a kind person is more important than being a good-looking one. Anyway, what is a good-looking person? Nobody can be beautiful. Everyone has different opinions, beliefs, views, experiences, etc., and therefore there cannot be a single description of 'beauty'.

Everyone gets sleep problems every once in a while. There's not much you can do to fight them, but I tend to go to bed earlier and stay awake after waking up (and make up for the things I didn't do that afternoon in the morning), but it's probably not the best advice.

Your grades do not define you. They are very important, but they will not be your identity. Nobody can get straight As in everything. Failing isn't the end of the world, and it happens to everyone. Make sure your dad knows this and that he knows how stressed you're feeling because of him.

If you ever feel the need to hurt yourself again, think of all the people who love you, think of your potential, and think of me. I've been in your shoes, and it gets better. Moreover, talk to your parents and explain the situation. If anyone is making you feel like you aren't good enough and if anyone is making you feel like you shouldn't be, then that is an issue which needs to be solved. Quickly. Surround yourself with people who will help you, and ignore those who won't. There is never any reason to hate yourself.

Yasmine//Cloudy.